Week 8 College Football Predictions: Remember When A&M Was Good?
Week 7 record: 5-1, Season record: 33-14
Ohhhh, Texas A&M. You had it all. Heisman winning quarterback, an offensive genius of a coach who could also recruit, and a dominating performance over old rival Oklahoma in the 2012 Cotton Bowl. The future was bright. Even last year with a dismal defense you were still interesting. But now, on the eve of what could have been a fight for first place in the West against new rival Alabama, the nation has forgot about you. This year started off in high fashion, crushing South Carolina was fun. And then playing a few cream puffs didn't send up any warning flares. The Arkansas game was tough, but there are no breaks in the SEC West, so no big deal. And then you encountered the state of Mississippi. They might rank last in public education, state GDP, literacy, teen pregnancies, and meth trailers, but damn can they play some football. So now A&M is at a turning point. A win here would give hope for the rest of the season, a loss is pretty much a one way ticket out of relevance. What's going to happen? Well, I'll tell you.
Alabama 45 - Texas A&M 24
Aaaaaaaand it's the one way ticket out of relevance. Johnny Manziel was the best thing that ever happened to you and you just weren't ready for that kind of love. The love of a college superstar is fickle, they're not going to do what you want them to do all the time, they probably don't even love you back a whole lot. But when you get a Cam Newton, Vince Young, Adrian Peterson type of player who can carry your whole damn team no matter what other issues you might have, you take it and you LOVE it. Alabama is in a weird place this year after being upset by Ole Miss. They only have one loss but everyone has put them at the bottom of the pile. There's a lot of games left to be played and look for Bama to get back on track here by beating up on A&M and Kenny Mehh-ll. (I'm still working on an insulting version of his nickname.) Move on, Ocean!
Baylor 58 - West Virginia 47
Do not adjust your tv sets or change the channel. You are not in fact watching an Arena Football League game. This is just the wild and wacky Big 12 where things like "tackling" and "cover 3" and "hey do you think we should cover that guy" don't exist. Is it fun to watch? Yes. Exciting? Definitely. Good football? NO, YOU CANNOT CALL IT GOOD FOOTBALL WHEN ONLY ONE HALF OF THE TEAM IS ACTUALLY PLAYING! Anyway, I hate Baylor. Let me get that out there. Art Briles reminds me way too much of the USC version of Lane Kiffin, and I'm pretty sure one of their players threatened to shank sweet old Gary Patterson last week who looks like a kindly old account gentleman. West Virginia and Clint "So Tricky" Trickett, meanwhile, came into this season to score points, chew bubblegum, and lose shootouts to ranked teams. Well, they're all out of bubblegum, mister. Growl, Bears, Growl!
Kansas State 38 - Oklahoma 34
Bill Snyder is a living legend in Manhatten by now and seems to have built up a sneaky good team this season. They couldn't get out of their own way in a close loss to Auburn at home, completely uncharacteristic for a Snyder coached team. That won't happen again. Oklahoma almost blew it against a rapidly improving Texas team (Texas, fuck yeah) and is expected to come into this game at home looking for a break. But they won't get it! Scratch 'em, Wildcats. Pretty sure that's their catchprase.
Arkansas 34 - Georgia 28
TCU 42 - Oklahoma State 38
TCU, you were so close. The game was firmly in hand, students were celebrating how ever hard a Christian school is allowed to celebrate before Jesus withholds your degree, and Art Briles was sending out job applications as fast as his assistants could hit Send Email. And then, ya blew it. There's no other way to put it, you just lost control of all football instincts. All of a sudden everything was out of whack. Your offense couldn't pick up first downs and your so called "defense" didn't do much defending for a solid 10 minutes of game time. Maybe that's all past you, maybe it's not, I don't really know you that well. The Cowboys are in an interesting position of having only one loss on the year to the #1 team in the first week of the year at a neutral site, winning their last 5 in a row including 3 conference wins, and still not getting any respect. You might ask why this is the case. The answer is that they got pretty much the sweetest 5 games in a row humanly possible. Missouri State, UTSA, Texas Tech, Iowa State, and then Kansas. Wow, whoever scheduled that up in the Big 12 office needs to be checked for T. Boone Pickens paraphernalia. Not that they're a bad team, they have talent all around and a good young quarterback. They just seem to be untested since that first game. On the road against an angry Gary Patterson? Give me the horned frogs. Knuckle Up! Maybe their catchphrase?
FSU 38 - Notre Dame 20
Well, this game is all kinds of gross. The NCAA might come down on Jameis Winston after he was loosely implicated in an autograph signing operation with over two thousand individual items with his signature were found on sites, which is stupid because everyone knows how much the NCAA and the university make off of him. Or the university itself might suspend him for sexually assaulting a girl before last season started, which is not stupid at all BECAUSE HE RAPED THAT GIRL. I'm sure Notre Dame is also doing something illegal right now because how else could they con everyone into thinking they're a top 5 team? This really needs to be the end of people voting for them. Do any of you really want to see them get stomped by a superior team from pretty much any other conference in the playoffs? Of course you don't, that's a waste of all of our time. I don't feel like there's any way for me to win here though. FSU wins and I have to watch Jameis Winston and his jerk of a coach Jimbo Fisher, stay relevant, and if Notre Dame wins then I have to listen to Lou Holtz have an orgasm live on College Gameday. Much like Kenny Rogers' Dairy Challenge, there are no winners in this game.
Texas Football
Would you look at that, Texas has shown two straight weeks of improvement on offense! I admit I wasn't sure we would see anything of substance from the offense this year so the second half against OU was a pleasant surprise. The offensive line and receivers played outstanding and Tyrone Swiggity Swoopes had his best game of the year throwing for 334 yards and 2 TDs, and also having a 73 yard run called back by penalty. Texas gets a breather this week as Iowa State, who is terrible, comes to Austin. The shorty story is if the offense continues to develop we could have a much more interesting team in the second half of the season. Kansas State, Oklahoma State, and TCU could all have their hands full when we play. But this week? Texas rolls. Hook Them! #nailedit
Texas 31 - Iowa State 13
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