Cupcakes Are For Closers
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| Pictured: Your team's out of conference schedule. |
Not a lot happened outside of the evening matchups between TCU/Arkansas and Tennessee/VA Tech. The favorites won, some unranked teams played each other, BYU and Utah continued their bloody holy war, and TEXAS IS 2-0 FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE RICKY WILLIAMS DISCOVERED WEED!
Speaking of Tennessee, all of you Vols fans chill out right now. VA Tech is horrible and you know it. Maybe THIS week we'll know who you really are as a team, let's see who you play....GODDAMMIT, OHIO?????
TCU, wow...You guys sure know how to blow a game in style. Kenny Trill Trilled just a little bit too much and most likely cost you the game with those 15 yards on the kickoff. Maybe he can transfer again?
Texas A&M won the Division 1-AAA championship this weekend with their victory over Prairie View Middle School, gold star!
And Baylor can still go to hell.
Fletcher's Top 10 That He Reserves The Right To Change At Any Moment
#1 Alabama
#2 Clemson
#3 Ohio State
#4 FSU
#5 Michigan
#6 Houston
#7 Texas
#8 Michigan State
#9 Louisville
#10 Stanford
Notes: GTFO UGA...I hate having this many Big 10 teams in my rankings...Houston and Louisville are legit...Stanford/Washington are really interchangeable here since they both play late and I'm not entirely sure if they actually exist or not.
Week 3 Predictions
Now that we have some actual in-game data to go on, I can make reasonable predictions.
Louisville 38 - FSU 35
Have you guys seen this dude? Lamar Jackson is not here to make friends. I'm willing to look past Bobby Petrino here as Jimbo Fisher and FSU are somehow even grosser than him. FSU is pretty stacked, but I really want this upset to happen so it probably will.
Alabama 40 - Ole Miss 24
Ole Miss has somehow drunkenly stumbled into victories over Alabama in the last two matchups, so Nick Saban pre-emptively yelled at Lane Kiffin last week to get his mind right for this game. I actually love Chad Kelly, who is the second coming of Chris Rix. But this is exactly why Ole Miss will lose this game. At some point in the 3rd quarter, Kelly will throw up a gross pass eerily similar to ones he's let fly in previous years, but this year Laquan Treadwell won't be there to bail him out. Roll Tide.
Auburn 32 - Texas A&M 24
Is Gene Chizik still coaching Auburn? I honestly have no idea what's going on with this program, but I'm very confident in my ability to project energy onto them with the intent of beating Aggy. Trevor Knight isn't that good! He literally has one good game on his entire college resume and that was when Nick Saban was on strike for not being allowed into the championship game. He couldn't beat a Texas Tech transfer to keep his job at OU! I will never not bring these points up when discussing Trevor Knight.
Mississippi State 17 - LSU 12
The better over/under on this game is how many quarters Les Miles makes it before getting fired. I'll set it at 3.5. Your move, internet.
Notre Dame 28 - Michigan State 24
Deshone Kizer is the best player on the field and Sparty knows it. If Kizer had played all 4 quarters against Texas, I might be writing a very different blog right now....because I would be dead from demon blood magic.
Ohio State 41 - Oklahoma 35
This game honestly confuses me. Oklahoma isn't as bad as they looked against Houston (Go Cougs!), Ohio State has played some forgettable teams, and the game is in Norman. I think Ohio State still wins with JT Barrett providing some senior leadership, but I think Oklahoma plays like they know their season is on the line.
Notes: GTFO UGA...I hate having this many Big 10 teams in my rankings...Houston and Louisville are legit...Stanford/Washington are really interchangeable here since they both play late and I'm not entirely sure if they actually exist or not.
Week 3 Predictions
Now that we have some actual in-game data to go on, I can make reasonable predictions.
Louisville 38 - FSU 35
Have you guys seen this dude? Lamar Jackson is not here to make friends. I'm willing to look past Bobby Petrino here as Jimbo Fisher and FSU are somehow even grosser than him. FSU is pretty stacked, but I really want this upset to happen so it probably will.
Alabama 40 - Ole Miss 24
Ole Miss has somehow drunkenly stumbled into victories over Alabama in the last two matchups, so Nick Saban pre-emptively yelled at Lane Kiffin last week to get his mind right for this game. I actually love Chad Kelly, who is the second coming of Chris Rix. But this is exactly why Ole Miss will lose this game. At some point in the 3rd quarter, Kelly will throw up a gross pass eerily similar to ones he's let fly in previous years, but this year Laquan Treadwell won't be there to bail him out. Roll Tide.
Auburn 32 - Texas A&M 24
Is Gene Chizik still coaching Auburn? I honestly have no idea what's going on with this program, but I'm very confident in my ability to project energy onto them with the intent of beating Aggy. Trevor Knight isn't that good! He literally has one good game on his entire college resume and that was when Nick Saban was on strike for not being allowed into the championship game. He couldn't beat a Texas Tech transfer to keep his job at OU! I will never not bring these points up when discussing Trevor Knight.
Mississippi State 17 - LSU 12
The better over/under on this game is how many quarters Les Miles makes it before getting fired. I'll set it at 3.5. Your move, internet.
Notre Dame 28 - Michigan State 24
Deshone Kizer is the best player on the field and Sparty knows it. If Kizer had played all 4 quarters against Texas, I might be writing a very different blog right now....because I would be dead from demon blood magic.
Ohio State 41 - Oklahoma 35
This game honestly confuses me. Oklahoma isn't as bad as they looked against Houston (Go Cougs!), Ohio State has played some forgettable teams, and the game is in Norman. I think Ohio State still wins with JT Barrett providing some senior leadership, but I think Oklahoma plays like they know their season is on the line.
Texas Football
Oh hell yeah. We avoided the dreaded trap game against UTEP. Before the game, I expected us to play a little stronger. But then I saw our injury report and I honestly feel like we played even BETTER than we should have given the Team Pain Level. That's a new index I'm using.
Low Level Pain = I'm aight
Extreme Pain = COACH IT HURTS REAL BAD
Last Saturday we were at about a "Should I stay in the ice bath for this long" level.
SHANE BUECHELE! So young, so innocent, so much better at being a college quarterback than I expected. I was wrong, guys. I really didn't think he'd be able to jump right in and take off like this.
MALIK JEFFERSON! I'm running out of hyperboles in this blog, so let's just say he's the very best. Like no one ever was. He catches all the running backs. To crush them is his cause.
CAL FOOTBALL! Not very good.... This is almost the exact same team we faced last year when we were bad except they downgraded their QB to....a Texas Tech transfer. Jesus, Tech, do you keep any of the quarterbacks you recruit?
This year I expect our pass defense to be well up to the task of stopping Davis Webb the Tennis Pro from your local country club.
Cal literally doesn't have a defense. They play 3 linebackers and an old couch they found outside the stadium. Hawaii put up 31 on Cal in week 1. Hawaii scored THREE points next week against Michigan. Last week Cal lost to San Diego State and their defense was so bad that the SDSU running back broke a record set by Marshall Faulk. Feast, Texas offense...
If we're healthy here, I think we roll. Unfortunately, being healthy is not our strong suit.
Texas Fight, Hook 'em, Burnt Orange, Fletcher Crystal Power.
Texas 52 - Cal 31
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